T A G N A V I G A T I O N

Chapter 4- "Invitations"

So the entire basis of this chapter is how Bella painstakingly turns down every guy that asks her to the dance (3, to be exact). Which, to me, makes no sense because:

Number 1: She's the new girl. New girl doesn't get that much attention
Number 2: She's a bitchy, whiny, and self-focused new girl.
Number 3: She's an ass to everybody.

But the most hilarious is when Mr.RunawayVan asks her out. Seriously, that dude's got balls because this is how it plays out:

VanDude: Hey Bella, I know I almost killed you but I wanted to know if you'd come to the dance with me?
Bella: ...AALKJE;LJA;KE WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP ASKING ME OUT WHEN I'M SUCH A WHINY BITCH WITH NO PERSONALITY!?
VanDued: ...is that a no?
Bella: I'M A FIRIN' MAH LAZOR. SHOOP DA WHOOP!

And then Edward comes in with:

Edward: I'll take you to Seattle since your car sucks.
Bella: Fine.
Edward: But you should stay away from me.
Bella: ...
Edward: Don't argue! I'm taking you to Seattle!! But stay away from me...I R DANGEROUS.
Bella: wtf.

What the f*ck indeed.


Chapter 5- "Blood Type"

This chapter makes me dizzy.
As Edward and Bella talk, Meyer makes sure to insert a new facial expression after every line.

I'm not kidding. Each time one of them speaks, Edward's face changes. Here's how it goes.

1. Laughing
2. Smiling WHILE "his ocher eyes were serious"
3. Fading smile.
4. Crooked smile.
5. Grinning.
6. Smiling apologetically.
7. Tightening jaw.
8. Chuckling.
9. Grimacing.
10. Unsmiling.
11. Snickering
12. Brooding eyes.
13. Pursed lips.
14. Smoldering eyes.
15. Chuckling.
16. Seriousness.
17. Smiling playfully.
18. Unsmiling.

That's EIGHTEEN different expressions that Stephenie Meyer decides to blind her reader with! Eighteen! And it's just ONE conversation! There's another conversation just like it at the end of the chapter. I don't need to know how often his expression changes- move on please!

Also, this is the part where Edward starts getting scary. And I don't mean the Halloween-spooky-sh!t-in-your-pants scary; but rather an alarming kind a scary, where Bella really SHOULD stay away from him.
I've read from many sources that Edward is manipulative, but I can now say I've read first hand the beginnings of an abusive relationship. Evidence:



I see a wife-beater in the making!
So remind me again: how is this romantic?

Chapter 2- "Open Book"
In this chapter, Bella is no less of a walking contradiction than in the chapter before.

For instance, when she sees her first snowfall, her reaction? "Ew".
That makes no sense. Any normal person would flip out seeing their first snowfall. (I know I did). I get that she doesn't like the cold and the wet, but "Ew"?? No, it doesn't work that way. Even the kids who've live in Forks all their lives are excited about the snow (Upon research, Forks, Washington gets an average of 11 inches of snowfall a year. It's been only 7 times Phoenix, Arizona has received snowfall of 0.1 inches or greater since 1896). I guess Bella is just "special", huh?

Another thing: in Chapter 1, Edward treats her rather brusquely. The next day, (chapter 2) she misses him ("The next day was worse...because Edward Cullen wasn't in school at all.")...What? Personally, if I had to deal with a jerk, I wouldn't be sad to see him gone.

One last thing that makes no sense (but isn't Bella-focused): for a guy that's been living alone for years, Charlie Swan can't cook beyond a platter of "fried eggs and bacon". My friends explained to me that he went to diners a lot and to others' homes for meals when I asked them, but come on! Who doesn't know how to cook any more than a scrappy breakfast when they've lived alone for so long?

There's just no common sense.


Chapter 3- "Phenomenon"
This is my favorite part of the book: Bella almost dies! Sadly, the van doesn't crush her 'cause Edward goes all super-hero on us.

No matter how much I wished Bella was hit, I can't ignore the fact that the scene is completely riveting. The speeding van of death, getting pulled mysteriously out of harm's way, the person who saved you having super strength. Pretty cool. It's a really original take on introducing the supernatural in a Fantasy book.

And it would have been so much better if Meyer could write. The only way I know what happens is because I've seen it before in "Twilight" previews. Other than that, I would have been completely lost. The farthest I got was "Edward Cullen was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror...", then the rest becomes a pudding of too much detail, and Meyer loses her reader's focus-something a good writer avoids at all cost.

After the accident, Bella goes to the hospital only to bitch about how ridiculous she feels, wearing a neck-brace for Christ's sake. I understand the girl is insecure, but shouldn't she be feeling, you know, a bit discombobulated from such an incident?

Of course not. She's the main character and is inept in conveying normal human reaction, right Stephenie Meyer?

Chapter 1- "First Sight

So I'll start with this: the plot does draw you in. The whole "new girl in town" is overdone, but effective. It makes you wonder: "Who are these 'Cullens'?" and "Where will this plot go?" I can see where the hype lies from this first chapter: putting the pieces together. Meyers, so far, effectively only gives pieces of the puzzle one at a time, rather than throwing in a whole background story, and allows the reader to do the questioning. I want to know why she left Phoenix and why this Edward guy is so odd around Bella. (Though, I kinda know already, but that's not the point.)

Personally, I'm never a fan of first-person point of view, but I can't say that I haven't ever read a book from 1st POV that was good. There are some good 1st POV books out there.

All that being said, there is still plenty that bugs the crap out of me.

For one thing, the writing sucks. Plain and simple. Every sentence is cluttered with adverbs. Let me just say this real quick: adverbs, when used correctly, can make a great sentenced. But when I can't get through one paragraph without bumping into 6-10 adverbs, the whole thing is a mess. In one instance, the word "brightly" is used twice in the same paragraph. Here's what Mark Twain has to say about adverbs:

"I am dead to adverbs; they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference; it can never give me a pang. ... There are subtleties which I cannot master at all,--the confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me,--and this adverb plague is one of them. ... Yes, there are things which we cannot learn, and there is no use in fretting about it. I cannot learn adverbs; and what is more I won't."

For another, Meyer's limited vocabulary is quite evident. That wouldn't bug me so much if she wouldn't throw in the big-adult words for the hell of it. The word "Pallid" doesn't fit in at all; the sentence could have been much better if "pale" was used instead. My English teacher stresses the idea of consistency very much. And all I want is consistency; the thesaurus in your friend, yes, but it's obvious overuse is just distracting.

And then her characters are flatter than a pancake. All Bella does in this chapter is whine. It's whine after flipping whine about how sucky it is in Forks. And there's no continuity in her thinking process. First, she calls the place "beautiful" and then goes on to say "It was too green-an alien planet." Once again, I just want consistency.

One last thing: descriptions. The point of a description is to convey to the reader what you're seeing in your own head, right? But when the descriptions go on, and on, and on about one thing, it's a little tiresome. I get it- the vampires are extremely hot. Don't need to go much further than that. Not to mention, a good description is one that leaves a little room for the reader to interpret what they want to see, as opposed to hitting them up-side the head with constant imagery.

So far, I'm not impressed.

Yargh!

[1-10] Various Disney
[11-46] Avatar; The Last Airbender

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[1-17] Avatar: The Last Airbender
[18-27] Various Disney


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